Precious Illusions
by wisperin9 shad0s
Summary: Leorio x Kurapika songfic. Beware: very angsty, very sappy. Kurapika woke up one day next to a stillsleeping Leorio, contemplating his relationship with the doctor and his binding oath of revenge.


**Disclaimer:** Kurapika, Leorio and Hunter x Hunter belong to Togashi Yoshihiro.  
**A/N:** Honestly, this is my first time writing a song-fic. I hope it turned out well. The song lyrics are from Alanis Morissette's 'Precious Illusions' (obvious, right?). I wrote this after taking a quiz on Quizilla that determined what my theme song was; I decided that it'd be much more suitable for a one-shot Leorio x Kurapika. It's mostly from Kurapika's POV, so there's a lot of confusion. Personally, I think the way his nen enacts the powerful oaths he set upon himself cost him his sanity, anyway. All right, without further ado - Precious Illusions! Please enjoy. =)

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Kurapika opened his eyes. The bright sunlight shone in, like there never was night. The ceiling of the room held an image of cherubs that flew through heaven, innocent and carefree. He turned his head sideways, to the right. Leorio laid there, still asleep. He once told Kurapika that he's an angel. Sometimes he wished it were true. Then maybe he would be with family, the Kuruta who were killed five years ago. He had known Leorio for a year. No man was ever kinder to him. _To the contrary_, Kurapika thought, _I'm not the angel... You are._  
  
_You'll rescue me, right? In the same way they never did..._  
  
Nobody tried to help Kurapika, before Leorio, mainly because Kurapika didn't want to draw anyone in on his perpetual conflict. Friends could be a burden. Correction, he didn't want to be a burden to anyone - didn't want any true friends to try and help with his vengeance. But Leorio, ... He just accepted him, saw only his good qualities while ignoring his selfishness and stubbornness. Leorio brought him back to life, again and again prevented him from dying.  
  
_I'll be happy, right? When your healing powers kick in..._  
  
He was never so comfortable with anyone, other than when he was with Leorio. They fought a lot, over the stupidest things, like when Leorio accidentally spilled coffee onto one of Kurapika's books. When Kurapika was cruel, Leorio was gentle. While the doctor's gruff, he's well mannered. When he's complex, the other made things simple. One was the yin, the other the yang. Kurapika relied on Leorio to give him purpose, after his task's done. When his vengeance would be complete.  
  
_You'll complete me, right? Then my life can finally begin..._  
  
As much as Kurapika knew Leorio admired his better qualities, he couldn't help but feel unsuited to the other man, somehow not good enough. The other's a doctor, his life devoted to the noble cause of healing people without exacting payment, never asking for anything in return. His cause was the death of an organization symbolized by a twelve legged spider. Life and death - he felt he could never touch the other man, despite the body that laid next to him.  
  
_I'll be worthy, right? Only when you realize the gem I am?_  
  
Their relationship changed over the past year, dramatically. He didn't think it'd work out. Could he hope? Would things work out? He couldn't keep this going - eventually, Leorio would get hurt. How would he be able to spend his life next to someone possessed selfishly by the past, by vengeance? He wasn't a lover. Love died with childhood, when his world was completely shattered by genocide, by the killing of the Kuruta for their crimson eyes. The reason he went on was because he refused to just get on with life after burying the bodies of his family and all their neighbors. He was refusing to let it happen again, by letting the Genei Ryodan live, refusing to be the only sufferer, a victim.  
  
_But this won't work as well as the way it once did  
And I won't keep this up even though I would love to  
Once I know who I'm not, then I'll know who I am  
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim..._  
  
Childhood was... It felt like a lot of precious illusions, almost as if it never happened. It's the only thing, this memory, that didn't let him down. But even that's fading with time, - and it only breaks his spirit just a little more. It made him alone.  
  
_These precious illusions in my head did not let me down  
When I was defenseless  
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends_  
  
Kurapika materialized his rings on each finger, attached to the chains around his wrist. Each ring would help him fight the Genei Ryodan - these chains were specifically fashioned to capture and steal the enemy's souls, thus killing them. They were his protection, like Leorio tried to protect him.  
  
_This ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armor_  
  
Protect him? He was too impure to protect. Stained by blood, vengeance, tears and a poisoned soul. He used so many people for his selfish reasons, only for revenge. Sometimes he thought he ought to poison himself physically. In all other aspects, he was completely poisoned already.  
  
_This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water_  
  
No, he had to leave. He would eliminate the Genei Ryodan and then kill himself. Achieving vengeance was the only way he remembered how to survive. Torn with indecision, he realized he also wanted to stay by Leorio's side. He was so free, so happy, with Leorio. He refused to be the victim, but should he achieve his ends, what then? A victim he refused to be, so he had struggled until now. A victim he was not. So what was he? He would never be a victim.  
  
_But this won't work as well as the way it once did  
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss  
And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am  
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim_  
  
When he was a child, Kurapika played with his friends like other boys. - They would play 'Hunter'; he would always refuse to be one of the 'bad guys'. He didn't know what 'bad guy' was, anymore. He did know who his enemy was, though. There was a difference, you know. It was so simple.  
  
_These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid  
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend_  
  
He used to avoid this, all this angst. He used to methodically kill, plan out everything precisely day by day, never letting his mind ponder too much on what he might do afterward - or if he would keep going after the Genei Ryodan at all. That thought used to be forbidden. He used to focus on the world of the strong and weak.  
  
_I've spent so long firmly looking outside me  
I've spend so much time living in survival mode_  
  
Kurapika realized he forgot how to live. Surviving was not living; the difference was stark. He couldn't go on this way - some things had to change. In order to survive, he had to retrieve the eyes of the Kuruta; he made an oath. However, in order to live, he would have to stay by Leorio, as the man who rested beside him was the only one to ever give him a direction away from vengeance. He was not a victim, but he didn't know what else he could possibly be. Leorio's soul mate, perhaps?  
  
_This won't work now the way it once did  
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss  
Now I know who I'm not  
I don't, I still don't know who I am  
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim_  
  
These thoughts of a possible companion, a best friend for life, helped him. Wasn't it time for him to let go of the past? What would he gain by exacting vengeance? Satisfaction and closure, that's what he'd gain, His determination strengthened his will.  
  
_These precious illusions in my head did not let me down  
When I was defenseless  
And parting with them is like parting with invisible childhood friends_  
  
That was a lie. At the end, he knew taking the lives of Ubogin and Pakunoda only killed parts of himself as well. Killing the spider might kill him, too. These thoughts waved themselves away as he saw Leorio stir. First, he turned to the white wall, then rolled toward Kurapika. His hand reached and found Kurapika's arm. He opened his eyes. "Kurapika?" When he saw the younger one's expression, he asked, "What's wrong? Why're your chains out?" There was just a slight hint of fear in his voice. His eyes must have turned red.  
  
The blond shook his head and made his nen chains vanish. He smiled, looking into those concerned amber eyes. "Nothing." He hugged the older man, taking in the clean smell from the shirt. Leorio's arms were comfortable; they were heaven. Leorio held him tightly, as well. It made him feel small, like a kid. A protected kid. He forgot all that he was thinking about, when Leorio smoothed his hair and they kissed. Their lips felt so right against each other's.  
  
_These precious illusions in my head did not let me down  
When I was a kid  
And parting with them is like parting with childhood best friends_

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**A/N:** ...Yes, very angsty, indeed. Sappy, as well. I'm not quite sure why I chose the past tense - for the sentimental quality, maybe. Thanks for reading! Please review. Anyhow, what do you think? Enjoyed it? Related to it? (Well, relating to it would be kind of painful.) Ah, to be a diehard romantic,... 


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